I Would Eat His Heart in the Marketplace

/ Secret Nerd Princess

HI HI! I’m back with a brand new adventure, or wait, was that Vanilla Ice? Anyhow! Finally, the first chapter of Much Ado About Vampires is ready for you! It might be my most ambitious story yet. Lots of world building, which thanks to Meridian, Kittyinaz, and RealJena is not the hot mess  it was when it started out. Also my baby sis has the beta skills to end all beta skills. I thank her highly!

So about the story:

Much Ado About Nothing, one of Shakespeare’s most well-known plays, is also one of my favorites. But…it’s Shakespeare and many people hear his name and immediately zone out. So I started thinking, what could I do to make Shakespeare more accessible? I was rewatching Joss Whedon’s fantastic version of the play when the line that Beatrice says, “—O God, that I were a man! I would eat his heart in the market-place,” really struck me. You know who would eat a heart in the marketplace? A vampire.

Thus, Much Ado About Vampires was born. Set in an alternate version of America where the vampires and the fae have joined together to run the country, Sookie Stackhouse is sent on an undercover mission by her great-grandfather Niall to infiltrate the Fae Court based in Bon Temps, LA. Sookie walks a dangerous path with only her wits and her heart to guide her. Along the way she meets Eric Northman, Sheriff of Area Five, who is frustrating, high-handed, and gorgeous. Can two societies so at odds with the modern day be changed by an ex-waitress turned fairy princess?

I would like to note that there is darkness in this story; the world it takes place in is a frakked up place. That being said, everything will be resolved in the end, trust me. I’m not going to leave these characters in this unbalanced misogynistic world.

Warning: This fic will contain exactly one non-violent, non-graphic rape, and readers will be warned in plenty of time to avoid that section. There is second situation that also will not be comfortable for all readers. I will absolutely forewarn in both these circumstances. Please know that they are necessary to tell this story since they are included in the original text. I understand if you choose to avoid these situations and skip a chapter, I will do my best to make sure you understand what happened without providing any detail that might be triggering to some readers.

That being said, this story will have a lot of fun and light. It’s based off of Much Ado, which for the most part, is a comedy.

I’ve chosen to ignore much of Sookie canon here, but the characters are all from the Sookieverse. One of my original characters from Dead on Arrival might make an appearance, though that’s not set in stone. Otherwise, enjoy!

Chapter One–Prologue

Mad Lovely,
Secret Nerd Princess

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author.  The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise.  No copyright infringement is intended.

19 thoughts on “I Would Eat His Heart in the Marketplace”

  3. Reblogged this on Addicted to Godric…& Eric…& Andre and commented:
    If you believe that men and women are equal and deserve equal rights…if you’re against the degradation, domination, and disrespect of women…if you’re against old-school misogyny and chauvinistic bastards (regardless of how well-intentioned they might be), then this story will PISS YOU OFF – just like it’s supposed to!!

    (Srsly – don’t kill the writer – she’s fixin’ things, I promise!)

    But don’t worry – I have been well and truly assured by its fantastic writer that all those issues, and many more, will not only be addressed but FIXED in this fic. Although it’s loosely based on Shakespeare’s MAAD, you won’t have to know anything about it to read the fic. All warnings are well-well marked.

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  4. Absolutely adore this and the new look too! I am just loving watching how you’ve grown as a writer over the last few years and can’t wait to dig into this new story!

    Sending you virtual coffee & cigarettes! They’ll stunt your growth and they’re bad for you! But… WTF? I’m addicted to both, so do them at your own risk, just don’t do them as long as I have!

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    • thanks!!! It’s actually been really interesting for me too. When I first graduated I went back and reread Wonderland with the intent of editing the whole document. Since that story encompassed the last two years of my life, I can really see the change in my writing. It’s fascinating. But I’m glad to know that it’s a noticeable change! WHOOP WHOOP!

      Cigarettes and coffee, lol, I’ve been trying to tell myself they’re bad for me for years. I obviously don’t listen very well. And glad you like the new look! I’d been wanting to redesign the banner and spruce up the site a bit! Glad it worked. 🙂

      I hope you aren’t too hot and that summer is treating you well!

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      • You’re doing splendidly! It’s been such a pleasure watching you come into your own as a writer! Don’t go back & change a thing! “Wonderland” is perfect just as it is! Congratulations on your graduation too, by the way! I’m a little late, but best wishes to you in your future endeavors. Your site looks terrific! The banner is beautiful and sets it off perfectly. Great job!
        Oh hell, it’s hot as Hades and the humidity is killing me, but that seems to be the same for everyone this summer, doesn’t it? I feel as though I live in the South instead of the Mid-Atlantic region! At least we have central air, so we’re fortunate! Hope you’re lucky enough that way! You’re young & probably enjoying every minute of it, right? Gotta get that tan! LOL! Enjoy!

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      • Thanks for the congrats! It was a long hard slog, working full time and going to school full time is no frakking joke.

        Young…and enjoying it…Bwahahahahahahhaa. Not so much, lol. I’m still young(ish) but I’ll be 40 next year. Went back to school late.

        Re: Wonderland. Who knows. I’ve had a binder with edits for the first fourteen or so chapters, nothing major just random words and commas here and there. But who knows if it’ll actually ever get done.

        I’m in the mid-atlantic too and it really does feel more like Alabama than PA. Unfortunately no central air for me. My house was built in 1904 so…I do have a window unit, but it sucks up so much energy I try not to use it too much. And tanning. OH DEAR GOD NO! I don’t tan. My skin turns a lovely shade of red and then peels. I’ve always just looked like a vampire no matter what time of year it is. I used to joke when I was a kid that one day all my freckles were gonna merge into one big blob so at least I’d look like I had a tan. 😉

        The banner? Yeah, I’m really kinda proud of that. 😀 Thanks for noticing!!!

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      • LOL! You’re still young to me! The forties are the most fun decade! You’ll see! I did the full time job & full time school when I younger & the kids were too which made things a little easier, nonetheless exhausting! I went back to school for yet another degree at 45 (like I needed it), so you’re never too young to learn, even though I don’t use it except to fix my hubby’s computer when he screws it up or secure our home network! I guess it was good for something after all, but it’s all obsolete now! OOH! I love the sound of your house! I love old houses, but I live in a relatively new one, about the same age as me! It’s a ranch & that’s what I need these days. Too many medical conditions make stairs my frenemy. Good & bad for health! I’m in PA too, in the ‘Burgh! I’m hopeful that this tropical humidity will end soon & we’ll get back to normal PA summer temps. I don’t go out in the sun either! One because of meds, and the other because of a melanoma I had last year. I’m totally paranoid now! If I do go out I’m slathered in sunscreen & covered head to toe! My friends used to call me “the woman with no blood” and it would be so true now! You have freckles too? Me as well, and there’s just something about having them at my age that is too ridiculous, especially when all my white roots start coming in and I don’t have time to run to my stylist to get my “youth serum” on my hair! LOL! I could play dot-to-dot with mine! Such silliness! Oh well, having grandkids makes for enjoying silly stuff!
        You should be proud of that banner! It’s awesome! gyllene helped with all of mine, and I’m trying to learn on my own, but when it comes to multimedia, I am at a loss. I still try, screw up, and then get frustrated until I try again! I’ll figure it out eventually!

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      • Totally still young! I’m also in the ‘Burg, but Harris, not Pitts. LOL. And I LOVE my house, it’s old and has some great woodwork and a great attic that I adore. I could do without the horsehair plaster walls, but it’s a small concession to make for the awesome of everything else.

        I’ve got no kids myself, but I do have tons of nieces and nephews who are growing up far too fast for my liking. 😉

        It’s funny, everybody warned me when I turned thirty that I’d get depressed about leaving my 20s behind. They were so very wrong. I’ve loved my 30s and am totally looking forward to my 40s. Maybe I’ll plan a big trip for the party.

        Sounds like you could be my big sister then! I’ve been freaked out by melanoma my whole life. My grams had some scares when I was younger and it really affected the way I view the sun. I do love my pool in my backyard (just a tiny kiddie pool, but still…) but I always slather on the sunblock as well.

        Man, don’t I wish there were a youth serum for my hair! I inherited my mother’s early greys so that I’m about 75% of the way there now. It’s pretty much the only thing that bothers me about getting older. Though one day soon I’m just gonna rock the color and to hell with the rest of the world. But I’m not quite ready to give up being a redhead yet.

        The banner. Yeah, I pretty much taught myself Photoshop so a lot of it was me blowing up the picture to 600% so I could get rid of the random pixels that were driving me insane. And then picking filter after filter until I got to where i wanted it to be. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in it that hours go by and all of sudden it’s like 2 am and all I’ve eaten since the afternoon was peanuts (it happens a lot when I’m writing too, whoopsie!) But I enjoy doing it so it doesn’t really bother me. 🙂

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      • LOL! I do the same thing when I’m editing! I’ll go for hours on end, and then my hands will start shaking before I suddenly remember that I haven’t eaten! You’d never know it by looking at me though. Freakin metabolism & gravity of the “seasoned” woman! Grr… Argh… I should be a skeleton, but no! Like you, I enjoy what I do too so I just keep on! I’m a perfectionist too, and I’ll keep going until I think the story reads perfectly! That’s the Virgo in me too! LOL! Hey, I’m never giving up my auburn hair, no matter how old I get! I’ll keep going for that “youth serum” for it even if I have to start going once a week! No white hair for me and I don’t care how vain that makes me. In my mind, I’m only somewhere in my 30’s anyway so there’s no place for white hair! The freckles can go away anytime now though. Isn’t it weird that we still get them even staying out of the sun? What’s up with that? My grandmother had skin cancer, many melanomas as well as some false alarms too. It seemed she was always going under the knife for something skin-related. The poor dear had Alzheimer’s though and had no idea what was happening. I’m pretty much over most things about getting older since hey, I’m here and already battling conditions that most women don’t deal with until years from now. I’m already shrinking (at my size I don’t have too far to go!), have arthritic conditions, fibro, and more. Every day’s an adventure! LOL! You should have a big party for your 40th! Why not? Have fun with it! I’m going to throw a big party next year for my eldest when she turns 30. She’s looking forward to it! There’s really so much fun to look forward to… Your 20’s are more of an extension of your teenage years anyway. The fun really starts later. Harrisburg is great little town! Well, maybe not so little… I think it’s probably bigger than Pittsburgh, or maybe that’s because it’s spread out differently? Whenever we travel to New England, Maine specifically, we stay overnight in around that area, off of I-81. It takes forever to drive across this damn state! My first college roommate lived up by there and I loved the old houses and little towns we would drive through to get to her home. Such pretty scenery. All that’s around here are suburbs, suburbs, and more suburbs! And malls! Can’t forget them! They’re everywhere! You can shop at all the same stores and eat at all the chain restaurants from the border of Ohio to the north to the border of West Virginia to the south. It’s crazy!

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      • It is crazy lol, especially after you’ve seen the southwest when you can drive for a hundred miles without seeing signs of population.

        I spent my 30th with my family, they were way more concerned with me turning 30 than I was. Mostly I was just happy to have survived my 20s. For my 40th though…yeah, I’m thinking a trip is in order. I’d love to say Scotland, I’ve been dying to go there for years, but I’ll probably head back “home” to Kalamazoo to visit with my bestie. Though, my birthday is in February, so maybe somewhere warm 2nd thought. 😉

        Harrisburg is actually pretty small as far as population goes, Pittsburgh is far denser in population, or maybe it just feels that way because of the mountains. Harrisburg area is really spread out. Unfortunately it’s also pretty poverty stricken in the city proper. Years of mismanagement by the city put us in a pretty tight spot. Broken streetlamps, massive potholes, and crime. Sigh. but once you go across the river (the Susquehanna) you find all the rich folks and it’s all bright and shiny. LOL.

        Next time you roll through we should try and get together. It’d be neat to meet someone I’ve only ever talked to online. 🙂

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      • That would be fun! Yeah, I’ve noticed that about downtown Hburg. DT Pburgh is the same but they’re working on it & making it “liveable.” They’re building these glitzy apartment complexes that have it all so you don’t have to leave & sending the homeless to live under our many bridges. Still, not many go there at night. Where we live, it’s all mountains. We call them hills. It’s the same here too, living across the river in the “sunny South Hills,” but crime is creeping closer every year.
        I definitely think you should take that trip to Scotland! You only turn 40 once, do it with a big bang! 🙂

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      • Ah, no. A complete glutton for punishment is more like it! I would never recommend that to anyone! I have years that are almost complete blanks just because I was so damn busy. It was insane.

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