Setting: Arrow 3.09
What is it with her and freaking pens?
She placed the pen down next to her iPad and looked up at him. Just standing there looking unsettled. Things had been tense between them since her first date with Ray, not of course in the Foundry, but personally. Though she understood, it hurt just the same. So she shoveled a smile on top of her sadness trying not to let it crack through to the surface. She was gonna play it cool. She had to…
Wait. Oliver never came to her office.
“What are you doing here? Is everything okay? Do you need me?” Felicity kept track of the news, but that didn’t mean that there hadn’t been some giant catastrophe while she was sitting in Oliver’s old office. She started to rise, but then he sat like the weight of his body was too much.
He met her eyes and then glanced away before bringing his gaze to settle back on her face. It seemed to her like he was memorizing her features. The way his eyes studied her, she shivered.
“Oliver?” When he didn’t respond, she started to get really worried. “Oliver???”
“I came…I wanted to…” He stood, needing to be in motion. How could she sit there so calm when there was so much between them? And so little time.
She stood, following the movement of his body like magnetic north. “Oliver, please…talk to me. You’re freaking me out a bit here. What happened?”
His exhale was heavy before he tried to begin again. He turned around and she was standing right there. So close that he could reach out and brush the stray hairs from around her face, let his fingers trace the line of her collarbone. His hand started to move of its own volition and then fell limp at his side.
He was so close and she was fidgeting trying not to reach out him, but he seemed so distant. They hadn’t so much as brushed against each other in months.
“I need to tell you something.”
She went absolutely still. “Oh god, who died?”
Oliver noticed how rigid her body was and went immediately to comfort her. It came as second nature to him. A nature he had been fighting for so long. So stupidly long. How could have waited until it was too late? He rested his hand on her shoulder for only an instant before he crushed her against his chest. He had missed this. The feel of her against him.
“No one, Felicity. Every one is safe.” Every one who matters anyway, Oliver thought to himself. He tried to make his arms let go of her, but he allowed the moment to last longer. Just a bit longer.
He stepped back, his hands drifted down her bare arms, his fingers interlacing with hers.
Felicity’s heart was pounding. When Oliver released her she felt as if it had broken again though she thought she had glued herself back together, stronger for the fractures. Her arms were empty and cold without his body pressed against hers. Her gaze wandered down to their linked fingers wondering what this meant. Would he tell her yet again that they couldn’t be together? She didn’t know if she could handle one more anti-declaration of love. She steeled herself for his words and forced her eyes to meet his.
“Felicity. I saw you with Ray…the night of…I came and I was too late…and you were kissing…” Why were his words failing him? He was making an absolute mess of this.
He took a deep breath and began again, looking directly at her do she would know: he meant every word. “Do you remember the night that the Count took you?”
“Yes,” she said, her voice soft with remembering. “You had to kill for me that night.”
“There was no choice.” A tiny hook of a smile lit up his face. “That was the night. I realized far too late, but it was there, your life in his hands, when I first knew I was in love with you. I was stupid and blind and couldn’t admit it for so long. And then, when we were standing in the mansion, when I was preparing to put you in the hands of Slade that I knew I needed to say the words. I didn’t know if I would be in time. If the plan would work. It was unthinkable what I was doing. Putting your life on the line. But I couldn’t take the risk of never saying those three words to you. I told myself it was to fool Slade. It was a lie.”
He stopped and the love she saw on his face left her gasping.
“I love you Felicity Megan Smoak. I know you’re with Ray now, but I couldn’t let you go for one second longer not knowing that you are the belief that kept me fighting. You running to hug me when I came back from a mission, your arms pressing into my bruised ribs, your beaming smile when I came back…to you. I wouldn’t change anything except for waiting too long. I’m sorry.”
With that he let go of her hands and pulled her tight against him. She was soaring, she was sure of it. His lips met hers with a fierceness she never realized she craved. He had always been so gentle with her. But his mouth devoured hers; his tongue searching hers for answers that couldn’t be spoken. I love this man her lips said without language. Her arms wound around him begging him closer. The breath between the shared and pulsing.
Regretfully, he pulled away.
She saw his eyes: the sadness back and lingering.
“I hope one day you can forgive me.”
She was still trying to breathe, but all she could feel was the cold the crept in after his leaving. By the time she gathered herself, he was gone. And she was alone again. Awww heck no. He was her Oliver and he loved her. She wouldn’t let him walk away again.
She walked into the Foundry and it was quiet except for the low hum from the bank of computers and the rhythmic beat of Verdant filtering down from above. She only ever noticed the sound when she was alone there. The fern was next to her terminal, sitting bathed in the fluorescent light, and next to it a note with her named scrawled across the front.
If you’re reading this then I am already gone. The League has threatened everyone I love. I can’t let anything happen to any of you.
And remember: I will always love you. I’m only sorry it took so long for me to tell you. So much wasted time.
Please don’t come looking for me. Keep yourself safe and live.