Dearest Stupid Face

So I decided that I wanted to rant about the finale/season six after all.
Let’s start with this:

Askars Reading

The look on his face makes me wonder what he’s thinking. Could it be “Ahh BB I said I’d be naked, but I didn’t think you were going to set me on fire?!?!?!”

Dear BB (aka stupid face)
I’ve seen a penis before, I promise. But I prefer when they are not set on fire. Stop sexually harassing Askars (yes–he’s a sexy sexy man, we all know it) and spend your time actually writing a g*damn finale that makes fucking sense.
Also: Buy a fucking dictionary. Look up the words sexy and provocative.

This is sexy:
Eric in the bathtub

This is not:
Eric on fire

First: I think it was disgusting how you played up using Askar’s naked body as a ploy to get your viewers to watch your travesty of a finale. You don’t do that for all the naked women you show do you? I would have applauded the equal opportunity nudity, but the way you did it was repulsive. I understand that Askars is comfortable with nudity, good on him. For a show where there is a ton of full frontal female nudity, I thought you were about to equal out that playing field. But let’s turn it around: If you had come out and said “So you all might get to see a certain part of Anna Paquin in the finale. There’s going to be something for the men and the lesbians” I would have been absolutely disgusted with you. Just because you said it in regards to a man’s body vs. a woman’s doesn’t make it right.

Secondly, If you have actually killed him off and intend on using him as a Godric type character that was a horrible death for a character who is supposed to be a thousand year old viking vampire. Straight up dumbest shit ever. That character would never have put himself in a position where that could have happened. People were upset because you spent 3 episodes mourning a side character (hey I loved Terry too) and you gave Eric an oopsy maybe death. His character deserved so much more. Like an epic death…

Epic: heroic or grand in scale or character. The only thing grand in that scene was the mountain. It was stunning visually, but not epic.

Epic is Spike burning to death to save the people of Sunnydale and close the Hellmouth.
Spike gives his life for Sunnydale

Epic is Harry Potter defeating Voldemort.
Epic Harry

Sunbathing nude on a mountaintop while reading a book is not epic. Understandable in the character’s need to retreat and regroup, but not epic. If he is dead, it’s ridiculous because Eric would have had a plan a, b, c, and d, and if that hadn’t worked he would have improvised. I didn’t have a problem with the fact that Eric’s fate was left as a cliffhanger, I have a problem with the fact that that character would not have just stood there letting himself burn.

The episode was terrible–No it was a fiasco of preposterous (absurd, ludicrous, outrageous, and bizarre also work) proportions and someone should take away your pens, pencils, laptops, and crayons–because I’m fairly certain you probably wrote the script in crayon. Warlow started out the season like he was the unkillable 5500 year old vampire. Niall said that he could only be killed by Sookie nuclear light-up hands. (what happened to that???) For such build-up there should have been a better storyline for him. He was tied up in Fairy for most of the season. Useless. Only to have Jason kill him with an average stake. Oh and for you to have a reason to use the phrase ‘Danger Whore.’ Oh and don’t use the word whore ever again. It’s 2013 not 1950 dude, get on board.

Fourthly. Rutger Hauer. What a waste of such a great character/actor.

Fifth. You wrote Sookie as heartless and stupid. Her grandfather disappeared and she worried about him once in a voicemail. You had her trust the vampire she had been warned about several times and then had her fall for the guy who killed her parents. I don’t care that he did it to save her. He killed her parents and the entire fairy club and threw her grandfather into another dimension. Never did she even question any of this. What the fuck happened? She started out so promising at the beginning of the season. What did you think? “Oh you know, I don’t feel like having Sookie be a strong female character, using her brain and such. How else will she be stupid enough to forgive Beeeehl next season?”

Sixth. I don’t believe for one instant that Sookie wouldn’t have cared that all of her friends were going to die. Not even remotely.  There is no way she would side with the vampire who killed her parents against her friends. Nor would she have never even worried about Eric. No they aren’t together, but they are still friends and she admitting to loving him. She had such a promising start to the season and then you turned her into a silly girl who couldn’t think past the magical light-up fairy vajajay. Ridiculous.

Seventh. Alcide. Really?!?!?! You have got to be fucking kidding me. He started out the season here:
Psycho Alcide
and ended up here:
Alcide--I'm normal now
(sidenote: Did Sookie raid her grandmother’s hope chest? I didn’t realize this was what she meant when she said she wanted to find the “girl in the white dress again” I would have passed.)
Have you forgotten that you wrote Alcide as a douchebag for MOST OF THE DAMN SEASON? Ummmm, I’d suggest you stop smoking crack. Also: I hated the werewolf storyline too, but um you just totally dropped it like they didn’t tear apart a bunch of kids.

I have loved this show from the beginning. I have stuck with it through some seriously ridiculous crap…Smoke monster? Did you not watch Lost? OH AND NOW you’re out there assuring people that Askars will be back, but you aren’t saying how, which says to me that you are just trying to get people to tune in next summer, probably so you can turn him into a ghost, or a crispy critter, or just so you can underuse the most interesting character yet again.

I get giving people something to worry over and I get killing off characters. (cough cough BILL) Hey I applauded Joss Whedon when he killed Tara and Wash. It served the storyline. Giving Eric an oopsy maybe death all while using his body as a draw serves no point except to give us another opportunity to watch Bill brood over Sookie. Oh fun.

So to recap:
This is awesome:
Eric's juice box
See also:
blood in my hair

This is not:
Broody bill
Leave the brooding to Angel and Joss Whedon.

In other words: there is not enough whiskey in the world to make me like the season six finale.

That is all.

Mad Lovely,
Secret Nerd Princess

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7 thoughts on “Dearest Stupid Face

  1. Well said! *applause* Totally agree with you. Shitiest finale for a season of anything, EVER!

    I haven’t watched TB since the end of season 3. I only watch the “shorts” on YouTube because that way I can cut the bullshit out. Between that and all the blogs and FB pages I follow, I know exactly what’s going on. Sad to say that’s not always a good thing *sigh*

    I have to say that the thing that bothers me the most is that Brian Fuckner thought showing off Alskars penis would somehow make us overlook the whole shitty episode and what they did to him. I feel like he’s insulted all of our intelligence. What did he think? That all the female (and some male) fans would go ga-ga over “the penis” and forget everything else? Insulted.

    And like a few people I’ve seen making comments on various blogs…I’d be real wary of HOW Fuckner will use Alex next season. You’re right…we may end up with Godric-like visions/ghosts or flashbacks. How he would think that would make up for the stupid, stupid, stupid way they ended Eric, I’m not sure.

    As you said, I cannot believe Eric would have planned to sunbathe on a remote mountain (after having schlepped the chair with him?) without taking into consideration a plan A, B, C and D (and the rest of the alphabet) for getting out of there if his sunscreen wore off. He hasn’t lived 1000 years by being an idiot. Again, this just insults our intelligence.

    Anyway I could go on and on and you’ve pretty much said it all. Thanks.
    Maggie 🙂

    Like

    • Ericluver~I know! It’s like he thought that we’d all be so blinded by the gracious plenty that we’d forget that we liked continuity and a finale that made fucking sense.

      I don’t trust Fuckner any farther than I can throw him and considering I live three thousand miles away, throwing him is not an option. I may come back for season seven IF and ONLY IF I find out from a reliable source that he hasn’t fucked up yet again. But as he’s already said that Pam and Eric will be off on their own storyline I doubt that this will be the case. Pam and Eric are pretty much the only thing that keeps the show from sucking completely (and Laffy and Jess and Jason)

      I can’t believe anyone thinks it’s a good idea to separate the two most interesting characters from teh rest of the cast. What’s the I hear? Oh that would be the bell tolling for teh death of a show that used to be must see viewing for me.
      Le sigh…

      Like

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