So I decided that I wanted to rant about the finale/season six after all.
Let’s start with this:
The look on his face makes me wonder what he’s thinking. Could it be “Ahh BB I said I’d be naked, but I didn’t think you were going to set me on fire?!?!?!”
Dear BB (aka stupid face)
I’ve seen a penis before, I promise. But I prefer when they are not set on fire. Stop sexually harassing Askars (yes–he’s a sexy sexy man, we all know it) and spend your time actually writing a g*damn finale that makes fucking sense.
Also: Buy a fucking dictionary. Look up the words sexy and provocative.
First: I think it was disgusting how you played up using Askar’s naked body as a ploy to get your viewers to watch your travesty of a finale. You don’t do that for all the naked women you show do you? I would have applauded the equal opportunity nudity, but the way you did it was repulsive. I understand that Askars is comfortable with nudity, good on him. For a show where there is a ton of full frontal female nudity, I thought you were about to equal out that playing field. But let’s turn it around: If you had come out and said “So you all might get to see a certain part of Anna Paquin in the finale. There’s going to be something for the men and the lesbians” I would have been absolutely disgusted with you. Just because you said it in regards to a man’s body vs. a woman’s doesn’t make it right.
Secondly, If you have actually killed him off and intend on using him as a Godric type character that was a horrible death for a character who is supposed to be a thousand year old viking vampire. Straight up dumbest shit ever. That character would never have put himself in a position where that could have happened. People were upset because you spent 3 episodes mourning a side character (hey I loved Terry too) and you gave Eric an oopsy maybe death. His character deserved so much more. Like an epic death…
Epic: heroic or grand in scale or character. The only thing grand in that scene was the mountain. It was stunning visually, but not epic.
Epic is Spike burning to death to save the people of Sunnydale and close the Hellmouth.
Sunbathing nude on a mountaintop while reading a book is not epic. Understandable in the character’s need to retreat and regroup, but not epic. If he is dead, it’s ridiculous because Eric would have had a plan a, b, c, and d, and if that hadn’t worked he would have improvised. I didn’t have a problem with the fact that Eric’s fate was left as a cliffhanger, I have a problem with the fact that that character would not have just stood there letting himself burn.
The episode was
terrible–No it was a fiasco of preposterous (absurd, ludicrous, outrageous, and bizarre also work) proportions and someone should take away your pens, pencils, laptops, and crayons–because I’m fairly certain you probably wrote the script in crayon. Warlow started out the season like he was the unkillable 5500 year old vampire. Niall said that he could only be killed by Sookie nuclear light-up hands. (what happened to that???) For such build-up there should have been a better storyline for him. He was tied up in Fairy for most of the season. Useless. Only to have Jason kill him with an average stake. Oh and for you to have a reason to use the phrase ‘Danger Whore.’ Oh and don’t use the word whore ever again. It’s 2013 not 1950 dude, get on board.
Fourthly. Rutger Hauer. What a waste of such a great character/actor.
Fifth. You wrote Sookie as heartless and stupid. Her grandfather disappeared and she worried about him once in a voicemail. You had her trust the vampire she had been warned about several times and then had her fall for the guy who killed her parents. I don’t care that he did it to save her. He killed her parents and the entire fairy club and threw her grandfather into another dimension. Never did she even question any of this. What the fuck happened? She started out so promising at the beginning of the season. What did you think? “Oh you know, I don’t feel like having Sookie be a strong female character, using her brain and such. How else will she be stupid enough to forgive Beeeehl next season?”
Sixth. I don’t believe for one instant that Sookie wouldn’t have cared that all of her friends were going to die. Not even remotely. There is no way she would side with the vampire who killed her parents against her friends. Nor would she have never even worried about Eric. No they aren’t together, but they are still friends and she admitting to loving him. She had such a promising start to the season and then you turned her into a silly girl who couldn’t think past the magical light-up fairy vajajay. Ridiculous.
Seventh. Alcide. Really?!?!?! You have got to be fucking kidding me. He started out the season here:
and ended up here:
(sidenote: Did Sookie raid her grandmother’s hope chest? I didn’t realize this was what she meant when she said she wanted to find the “girl in the white dress again” I would have passed.)
Have you forgotten that you wrote Alcide as a douchebag for MOST OF THE DAMN SEASON? Ummmm, I’d suggest you stop smoking crack. Also: I hated the werewolf storyline too, but um you just totally dropped it like they didn’t tear apart a bunch of kids.
I have loved this show from the beginning. I have stuck with it through some seriously ridiculous crap…Smoke monster? Did you not watch Lost? OH AND NOW you’re out there assuring people that Askars will be back, but you aren’t saying how, which says to me that you are just trying to get people to tune in next summer, probably so you can turn him into a ghost, or a crispy critter, or just so you can underuse the most interesting character yet again.
I get giving people something to worry over and I get killing off characters. (cough cough BILL) Hey I applauded Joss Whedon when he killed Tara and Wash. It served the storyline. Giving Eric an oopsy maybe death all while using his body as a draw serves no point except to give us another opportunity to watch Bill brood over Sookie. Oh fun.
In other words: there is not enough whiskey in the world to make me like the season six finale.
That is all.
Secret Nerd Princess